Rule 9 Up!

10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation:

1. Don't Multitask

2. Don't pontificate

3. Use open ended questions 

4. Go with the flow

5. If you don’t know, say that you don’t know

6. Don’t equate your experiences with theirs

7. Try not to repeat yourself

8. Stay out of the weeds

9. Listen

10. Be brief

The above are the ten tips that Celeste Headlee lays out in her TED Talk "10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation." I thought such a blog would be helpful because a new survey revealed that at least half of the viewers of this very blog are next to incompetent when it comes to having meaningful and interesting conversations. Personally, when it comes to the Ten Commandments of Conversation I have transgressed more than I'd like to admit, frequently offending Rule 1, Rule 6, and Rule 8. So in search of salvation, I put my faith in these sacred words.

Inane tomfoolery aside (redundancy alert!), the ten tips above are remarkably simple and brief. Furthermore, the quotes that she read really convinced me that she wasn't feeding the entire room a pile of horse manure. If I had to make a list with all the things that my parents did wrong in raising me which is the source of my pent up anger and sadness (if you call the school social worker, I will have this post pulled down faster than you can say "he's a serial killer"), I'd have to include Rule 2 and Rule 7. 

Clearly, I'm struggling with Rule 4 as well since you can almost guarantee that the first two paragraphs was me writing the first thing that popped into my head. Pretending like I know what I'm doing would violate Rule 5. If write further I might break Rule 10. "Where is this going?", Rule 3 asks. The other one's in the title.

Alternative Version

I'm eating a sandwich right now. I'm eating a sandwich right now. I made it with two slices of whole bread that I bought from Walmart yesterday which also happened to be my birthday so my parents bought me an ice cream cake from the Carvel that's across from the Dunkin Donuts. My mom also bought me a watch which I think is worth $175 although there was no price tag. Every young man should have a watch because its an essential piece to any look if you don't want people to think you're homeless. In fact, receiving a new watch brings me the same joy as having a child does to any new mother. To all my viewers I ask, "Is winter your favorite season to go sledding in the snow?". I'm sorry I was distracted by a ladybug. I've heard ladybugs give you good luck, but I saw a ladybug right before my dog got run over.